The Problem of Attraction
Many of us are familiar with the Christian sexual ethic: sex is for and with your spouse. But the problem is we are sexually attracted to other people besides our spouse. This is obvious if you are single because you don’t yet have a spouse. But this holds true as well for married individuals. Whether the person is in close proximity or on a screen, sexual attraction to others besides our spouses is almost a daily occurrence.
The Old Way
The old way of looking at this, through the lens of the 7th commandment, was, “as long as I don’t commit physical adultery on my spouse, then I am a good person.” But we all know that a great deal of sexual impropriety can happen and still not have the act of physical adultery.
Jesus makes this connection when he says, “if even a person looks at another with lust, they are guilty of adultery.” Lust says, “You for me.” In lust, we are treating people as objects to be used for our own gratification — and God takes offense. Imagine being a father to a child and a person consistently fantasized about using your child for their own ends. You would be outraged. Of course, this is how God feels about the people He has created.
The Way of Love
So how can we respect others even when we feel sexually attracted to them? Jesus tells us to radically inconvenience YOURSELF in order that you do not sin. Using hyperbole, he tells us to gouge out our eye and cut off our hand instead of lusting or committing fornication. This is radical inconvenience and incredibly loving and respectful to a non-spouse. The Apostle Paul echoes the same sentiment when he exorts us to “avoid sexual immorality.”
So with your screens (t.v., phone, tablet, computer) you will set up blocks and accountability to make sure you aren’t disrespecting God and His creation. X3 Watch, Covenant Eyes, and OpenDNS are great tools for your computer and internet connection. In real life you train yourself, and your community, to look at the opposite sex as you look at the sun. One look is natural, but to continue to stare will only cause pain.
The Greatest Love
But the most powerful act of love was the faithfulness of Jesus to his adulterous creation. Even though we cheated on him with other gods, he loved us. He didn’t say to us, “you for me.” But he said, “me for you,” and went to the cross to die so that he might wash us clean and marry us again to be with us forever. Whose heart could not melt in light of that love and grace?
Repentance is mostly associated with turning from one attitude or behavior to another. This is true, but we can miss one of the clear purposes of repentance if we just concentrate on its function.
What comes out of you is the product of who you are in on the inside.