The three answers to a prayer are yes, no, and wait. A yes answer is obvious. What we ask for comes true. A no answer is not obvious unless circumstances irrevocably show otherwise. If I am praying for a person to get healed, and then they die, that’s an obvious no.

But it’s really hard to tell between a “no” and a “wait.” God does not usually speak audibly, so how might we know the difference?

James and John are a great help here. James says when we ask, we do not receive because our requests are to be spent on our own pleasures (James 4:3). He calls this “friendship with the world.” And John gives us the definition of worldliness: “For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world (1 John 2:16).”

Worldliness is the desires of the flesh (me first!), desires of the eyes (I must have), and the pride in possessions (I am better than you because of what I have). So we need to evaluate our unanswered prayers and see if the request matches up with John’s definition of worldliness. For if they do, then it is a great mercy that God says no, because a granted request would take us far from Him.

And if we are having a hard time discerning our motives in your requests, we should ask a respectable person what they think. This can be scary because it leaves us exposed, but it is a helpful way to understand what God might be saying.

But if your request is not worldly — keep asking! For Jesus teaches us one very important principle in prayer: we should never give up (Luke 18:1).